Compliments

So today, or I guess now it was yesterday, my creative writing teacher complimented me on my passion. I had gotten slightly defensive of a poem we were discussing, which was rare. Because I hardly ever talk in that class. (I say slightly defensive, but when other people tried to add their comments before I was done, I just talked louder, and spoke faster. So really I was just plain defensive.)

Anyway, when he complimented me, I blushed. And it was a blush that could be felt deep, if you had cut open my bones to look at the marrow there, I’m sure that it would have been deep-blush-red. And I got to thinking when the last time I was really complimented. 

About a week ago I was having a rough day, so I went on a walk, which generally always helps. What was weird about this walk, was that as I was going through the dorm building I got complimented several times on my outfit. They liked my shoes, my jacket, my shirt. And I returned from my walk not feeling much better than before, but at least less likely to explode into a million pieces. 

But as I walked home from creative writing today I couldn’t keep the huge idiotic grin off my face and I skipped through the slow songs on my iPod and had a little spring in my step.

In John Green’s video, ‘Gay is not an Insult,” Link below, he says something interesting. (For nerdfighters: I really wanted to say in the doobliedoo, but there is no doobliedoo here on my blog so I couldn’t. And then I wanted to say, ‘In my pants’ but then my mother and possibly my grandmother read this blog, so I put it into parentheses instead as if that would make it somehow better to act like a twelve year old boy in parentheses rather than outside of them.) He says that you do not get insulted for what you do, you get insulted for who you are.

Which is really really interesting. Because compliments work the other way around. You do not get complimented for who you are. You get complimented for what you do or what you wear. Yes, thank you, it makes me feel better about my day when you say you like my skirt. But it makes me feel much better if you thank me for constantly being a good listener. 

Here’s the thing. People do things all around you. All the time. And you can compliment them on it, there is nothing wrong with that, it’s good. But the things that they are doing is indicative of who they are. And it makes them feel even better if you compliment them on who they are.  Because it lets them know that you care enough to notice that, and it makes them want to do it more.
   It's like the difference between me going up to one of my roommates and saying, "Thank you for doing my dishes," and "Thank you for noticing that I had a bad day and helping me by doing the dishes. It really helps to know that you care."*

Gay is not an Insult. (basically John Green bashing the grammatically incorrect insults of youtube.) Which, you know, is awesome. 
*It's easiest to do the second in note form. Generally as a human species we find it difficult to say things to each other's faces. It's a common attribute, and evolution has done little to take notice of it so far.